Deep Dive into The Science of Third Wheeling
Showing off: the intention and purpose behind conversations.
TLDR: There is a strange shift in energy upon the advent of the third person. We, all of a sudden, get excited and feel energized to keep something up in order to gain a certain level of stature in the eyes of a newfound audience. Having a third wheel around is a stepping stone, an opportunity to stand out, to be seen and recognized. No matter how mischievous and scheme-like such a methodology may be, however, what is sought is the attainment of something much more pure, innocent, and essential to human well-being.
As the sun thawed out any remaining snow, a clamorous wind spread the news of spring. Person A walks to his next class with his headphones in, shielded from the elements. He sees a familiar face walking towards him, a friend — perhaps — from class; Person B. They greet each other with a typical “What’s up, how’s it going” leading to a response that appeared to take shape into each of their sad, visceral realities, “nothing much.”
Person A’s slight hesitation of what to say next is hastened with a complaint and darting eyes, “Just got out of this one class, with Ms. Hawkins, they suck a** dude don’t take it”. Person B feeds the complaint-driven energy in an attempt to have a stake in the conversation so that something, anything, can be catalyzed into a sort of bond that could make them forget about the haunting pangs of their emptinesses, “Oh dude that sucks, I hate that teacher.”
This is likely to be the point in the conversation where the weeds of gossip begin to grow from a soil that lacks creativity and any thoughtfully beneficial ideas. It really is as they said, “nothing much” — indicative of a void where meaning and genuine expression is perhaps meant to reside.
“I heard that teacher got divorced like seven times”
“no way. . .I mean I can see why actually, she’s so ugly and b****y”
*fake laughs*
“yeah bro I hate that s***”
“yeah.”
If you’re wondering, the answer is yes. These are real, overheard conversations. Their viceful exchange appears to be predicated on the likeliness that Person A and B, or anyone you’ve heard who speaks in this archetypically degrading manner, actually has no idea about the reality of who they are gossiping about.
The speed at which a conversation shifts to the errs of a person is indicative of a degrading empathic capacity, and an inability to converse unless rooted in some kind of backbiting, fault-exposing, or complaint.
A and B quickly find themselves bereft of any further gist regarding Ms. Hawkins or any other victim whom they could fabricate common hatred towards — the only known fuel for a superficial purpose. A lack of zeal and any real human objective concludes that because of this, there is no room for the conversation to progress; not that it was built on anything or going anywhere significant to begin with.
At this point, the energy of the dialogue between Person A and B melts quicker than the snow that cringes itself into a puddle in the many potholes of a disastrously progressive Michigan intersection, pleading the warm touch of death to spare it from the sounds of A and B’s empty, hollow, “nothing much” selves.
At this point, it was as though Person A and B noticed the reason for the snow’s voluntary martyrdom.
Certain body language conveyed a shared sense that they should cut things off before the “awkward” silence plunges them into the depths of their vulnerabilities and, God forbid, they realize how pathetic their motives and conversations really are. But no one wants to let that happen, as it would spring forth an incessant urge to change something, likely for the better.
And no one has the time, energy, or self-efficacy for that.
Just before they telepathically agree to break whatever frivolous bond they think they established during this sad encounter, another familiar face approaches them,
perhaps another friend on the same IM sports team or someone they both met at their last party,
Person C.
At this point, there is a sudden shift in energy. They all greet each other again, but this time with more fervor and “life”.
Person A embraces Person C with a handshake and a horrendous attempt at a deeper voice “y0oh0hoh0, wassup”, as they look at each other with unwarranted squints that should never, ever, be impersonated. Because of A’s expedient change in demeanor; which was his exuberancy towards C, two things happened:
Person B is suddenly rendered nonexistent by both A and C
Both person A and C hit it off in a way they otherwise would not have— and maybe even could not — were it not for B’s presence and semi-submission, to what we’ll call, the [third leg of the] mythical barstool (TLMB).
Known more commonly as a third-wheel
With the advent of Person C, both A and C find themselves ascending this mythical barstool towards a mythical hierarchy, subconsciously upheld by B’s new passive role in the conversation.
Although each of them is in a way legs to the same stool; without one person’s acquiescing (either out of their own volition or forcefully from the other two legs) into the mold of the TLMB (who, in this context, is Person B), neither Person A nor Person C would find such delight in conversing and dominating the space.
Quite the contrary, A and C’s encounter would simply be a cookie-cutter replica of A and B’s initial conversation were it not for the third leg, wheel, or whatever you want to call it.
Anything the TLMB may say under the domineering ascension of the relative A and C sadly dissipates and distills into background music or ad-libs at best — providing synonyms, hype, unconditional phrases of agreement, or even silence to fuel the mythical ascensions of the other two. Despite no apparent logical reason for B’s patronage role in this superficial and insignificant reality construct, a potential benefit may be that B tastes a bit of the mythical ascension by proxy of simping to create the fleeting success Person A and C now enjoy.
Person A: “Oh snap yo how you been — wait did you sign up for classes yet?”
Person C: “YoOoO, I have like eight classes on my schedule right now dude— need to drop some.”
TLMB (B): “Daaaang eight?”
Person A: “Wait did you get into EDUC 540??”
Person C: “I literally — okay, I LITERALLY, just got the confirmation email today.”
Person A: “Okay this might actually be a good semester, at least I know one person in my classes.”
TLMB (B): “I’m still on the waitlist.”
Person C: “So many people told me the teacher is, like, actually, amazing.”
Person A: “Oh yeah dude, easy A for sure.”
Person C: “We, like, don’t even have to do readings right?”
TLMB (B): “Yeah no readings, that’s what I heard too.”
Person A: “Oh dude! No readings, like, WHATSOEVER, just like participation and s***.”
Person C: “Sickkk yo, ugh I need more easy classes.”
TLMB (B): *Nods with an open smile*
Several explanations exist for the shift of energy and the newly found life that drives this conversation beyond its commencement phase. One reason may be rooted in pride. If pride is an explanation, then there are three recipients whom the enacting pride — or showing off — is meant to reach;
1. the public onlookers, 2. the TLMB (or person B), and 3. the selves of persons A and C.
As we recall, the conversation was happening in a public area (Person A was walking to his next class before meeting B and then C). The two mythical ascenders (A and C) realize that they can assert their newly found status to the masses passing by. These innocent bystanders, in reality, could really care less and are either not likely to notice or are deliberately avoiding A and C’s overextended, try-too-hard, thirsty energies. Nevertheless, Person A and C attempt to flash their mythical badges to public onlookers. They may hope that in doing so, others will receive their intended message of “we have friends that we can easily dispose of and we are more important” while beholding their honorary bragging and degrading prowess.
Additionally, A and C get to show off their conversation-wiz kits and mythical badges to B, the third wheel, by passively receiving any of B’s comments and remarks, regardless of whether Person B is fueling their ascension and uplifting their dominance or not. The point of fuel is to be used and discarded as it carries the riders to their intended destination. Thus, B’s role is strangely and ironically crucial to the very manifestation of A and C’s pride towards B. One can understand this twisted relationship as somewhat of an exchange — self-degradation for potential relevance and popularity. In another light, it is the act of overtly and blatantly using a person for one’s own advantage, while letting them know, as openly as possible; what is being done to them. And not only that, flaunting in their faces how much better one is than them because of their willingness to be used for their enjoyment and rise to a pseudo-social kind of power. Disturbing on all levels, even the shallow one upon which this interaction rests.
Last, and certainly least, both A and C may look to be prideful towards themselves in an effort to continue to mask their vulnerable lairs of empty, hollow nothingness. By degrading others, they feel uplifted and important, which temporarily banishes the mist of each of their sad realities with the superficial blue light of their mythical ascension that they deify, while simultaneously attempting to proselytize others to deify as well so that their realities are distanced from themselves even more so. This lack of confrontation with the self is likely to necessitate the hurting of others in an attempt to protect their own mythical statuses as to retain the labels of “important”, “relevant”, and “cool”. It is a process of destroying one’s own realities to build another one, not only for strangers, but the people we are close to, and ourselves. This new reality that we build, however, is not us. Rather, it is a mask that no one is really familiar with, yet through its persona and shape, we continue to live, act, and think.
The incessant efforts to build barriers around our vulnerabilities with the bricks of disingenuous conversations, while rummaging through random crowds for a glimmer of attention, speaks to what frivolous things [if anything] occupy our sad lives.
We are nothing without the curious looks of others. Our fuel and purpose rely on a chance to one-up somebody, show someone how great we think we are, or engage in some kind of gossip to make things a bit more exciting because of how dull we have become. These are the kinds of things that we fill our voids with — where meaning, genuine expression, and creativity are meant to reside. We frantically replace this scary abyss with whatever we can get our hands on, namely; gossip, degeneration, pride, selfishness, and vain talk to be perceived as somebody or something that ironically happens to result in the antithesis of our authentic, genuine self-expression.
But.
Despite how tyrannical the methodology,
and how fast we seek to run from our own realities,
the ultimate intention, the want, the desire, for such actions appears to be the same. It is at the core of every human being. It is a need that seems innate, inherent, and essential to our very essence.
And that is, to belong.
Q: What are some of your third-wheeling stories and how do you think this analysis is relevant to any of your experiences?
AND I WANT YOUR CRITIQUES.